


you are a perpetual feeling

by Wildspace



Series: 911 lone star week. [2]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: (i don't know how to tag on ao3 anymore and it shows), Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Blood and Injury, Car Accidents, M/M, but nothing too graphic, the soulmate au is the one where you live your life in b&w 'til you meet your soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 08:00:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23847823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildspace/pseuds/Wildspace
Summary: Carlos meets his soulmate in the worst possible way.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Series: 911 lone star week. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718455
Comments: 9
Kudos: 144
Collections: 9-1-1 Lone Star Week





	you are a perpetual feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there :)  
> So, this one-shot is actually the first one I ever wrote for the Tarlos fandom. I really like it, which is a freaking miracle when you know how self-conscious I am with my writing. I hope you like reading it as much as I had fun writing it.  
> (Also, fun fact: the soulmate prompt is one of my fav prompt ever. But the "your life turns colors when you meet your soulmate" is actually my least favorite one in all the different twists in the soulmate AU. And I keep complaining how the colors in Lone Star were kind of dull and faded compared to the colors in 911 og. So I thought the "black&white vs colors" will be the perfect prompt for my soulmate AU.)
> 
> (written for day 3 of Lone Star week.)

Life in black and white is alright. It’s not the most interesting thing in the world to live life in nuances of grey, but it’s alright. You learn to enjoy colors through the words of your family or your friends — the lucky ones who have already found their soulmates. And well, maybe seeing blood in some kind of grey is better than when you found your soulmate, and it’s bright red. Yeah, that’s it. For once, Carlos is going to be thankful he still hasn’t found his soulmate yet, because there is too much blood running from his partner’s mouth, his ribs feel bruised, and their car just fell from a freaking cliff. With them in it.

* * *

One second they were in pursuit of a stolen vehicle, the next another car was crashing into them, and pushing them towards the edge of the cliff. Then, they were falling from the cliff because life was never fair, and maybe Carlos was destined to die without seeing life in full colors. It’s quite a depressing thought, but he’s staring at thirty-three feet of emptiness through the windshield of his car, so he’s allowed to have depressing thoughts. For the next ten seconds at least, then he needs to check on his partner, and call 911 because they are not going to magically get out of their car and not die in the process. He closes his eyes, counts to ten in his head, and tries hard to forget how bad his ribs feel. When he opens his eyes again, nothing has changed, and he can still see the grey of the emptiness in front of him. So now, he needs to check on his partner and call for help because they can stay here forever. As a cop, Carlos’ used to crazy, but nothing can prepare him to see a branch stuck inside Melissa’s stomach. There is blood all around the wound and too much blood leaking from his partner’s mouth who doesn’t appear to be conscious. It’s a good thing he doesn’t see life in colors because dark grey is probably less scary than bloody red. But Carlos doesn’t have time to think about how scary or not the situation is because he needs to call 911 if he wants to put both of them in safety. That’s what he does. He struggles for minutes that felt like hours — trying to take his phone out of his pocket while trying to not make the car fall from where it’s stuck is a task in itself, but when he finally has his phone in his hand, it’s like a weight has been left of his shoulders. Because it means help is just a phone call away, help is almost here. The _“911, what’s your emergency?”_ in his ear is such a relief Carlos almost feels like crying because Melissa is going to be ok, they are going to be ok. And just like that, he’s in cop mode again. He’s calm and collected, spitting out info after info to the lady of the phone. He tells the dispatcher his name, his badge number, that they were chasing a suspect when a possible accomplice crash into them and push them from the cliff. He’s not sure what’s their exact location, but he thinks the car’s GPS is not damage (it’s not, the dispatcher tells him). Then, he tells me how badly injured his partner is, and he barely speaks about his own injuries. And finally, _finally_ , the dispatcher lets him know help is just a few minutes away, and she’s going to stay on the line with him until the firefighters are here. Carlos is glad the woman doesn’t just hang up on him because his ribs are killing him, there is way too much blood on Melissa’s belly, and he’s really sick of all this pale grey in front of him. He’s pretty sure the rocks and the sand in front of him are supposed to be some kind of brown or beige, but he just sees grey. Fifty shades of grey, and it’s as awful as the books. 

* * *

Help is here. At least that’s what the sirens tell him. He hears them above him, so close and so far away at the same time. Then, it’s a waiting game. He waits for the firefighters to analyze the situation. He waits for them to set up a secure way to access to the car. He waits for the pain in his ribs to make him numb. He waits for Melissa’s to stop breathing. He waits for his brain to declare it’s too much and start freaking out. He just waits. Until he doesn’t, because there is a movement above him. He doesn’t see it obvious, but he hears them. Two different voices, one male and one female. He’s pretty sure the man is saying something to him, but the pain is finally catching his head, and he just feels numb. He doesn’t understand what the firefighter is saying, it’s just going in one ear and out of the other; so he does the most logical thing to his numb brain, he doesn’t respond. The cop in him has just left the building apparently because he takes him way too long to realize help is finally here. He manages to turn his head to the right, in time to see the face of one of the firefighters appears. It’s a woman; his fuzzy brain can tell him at least that. So that means, the other firefighter is on his side. But Carlos doesn’t have time to look at his rescue, he needs them to save his partner, like right now. They _must_ save Melissa because she has a kid waiting on her, and there is so much blood flowing from her mouth, so much blood on her stomach. He _needs_ them to save her, it’s his duty as a partner, so he tells them just as much. Well, he tells the woman, because he still hasn’t looked at the other firefighter. “You need to save her. She lost a lot of blood, but she’s still conscious. Or I think she is. Yeah, she is.” _She must be_.

He vomits words with an urgent tone because Melissa’s life is the most important thing at the moment in his mind. A small part of him knows he should let the firefighters do their jobs, but his ribs are killing him, and he’s pretty sure Melissa’s kid is going to be an orphan because her mother is dying. The firefighter let him speak without saying anything, but she keeps looking between Melissa’s wound and her co-worker. Her smile is reassuring, but her eyes are anxious and full of concern. Carlos may be in pain, but he’s not dumb, he knows his partner’s state is worrying. Which is why they need to save her first. Carlos can die there, his ribs painful, and his vision full of grey. He also needs to stop with the drama queen act because the woman is talking to him, and he already missed most of what she said. “[...] TK is going to take care of you, ok?” He nods to show he heard at least part of what she told him because it’s the only thing he can do. He still focused on his partner, on all the blood Melissa is loosing, but he still turns his head toward his left. And the time just stops. Because when he meets the other man’s eyes, all he sees is _green_.

(The prettiest green he’s ever seen.)

(The only one he’s ever seen.)

* * *

It’s a weird thing, the way everything else disappears when you find your soulmate. The pain in his ribs just vanishes, the feeling of failing his partner too. He’s chilling, except he’s still stuck in a car which felt from a cliff. And the other firefighter, _his soulmate_ for god’s sake, still hasn’t spoken either. They just look at one another like two damn teenagers lovesick with each other. Five seconds later, the moment is broken by a throat clearing from the firefighter lady who's still there because Carlos is still stuck in his car and Melissa is still dying. It’s definitively not time to reflect on finding his soulmate in the worst situation possible. The firefighter, _TK_ if he remembered correctly what the woman said, seems to realize where they are because he immediately puts his game face on and starts working on Carlos.

“I’m going to put this collar on your neck, alright Officer?” he tells him, putting words into action. Carlos doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything. He’s just pretty fascinated by all the grey in front of him being suddenly a mix of brown and beige. The emptiness he can see through the windshield of the car is scarier in colors, that’s for sure. He vaguely hears TK’s colleague talking on the radio to her team about needing something to saw the branch stuck inside Melissa’s stomach, so they can pull her out of the car more easily. After that, Carlos just zones out. He lets TK pat his ribs down, pulling faces every time it hurts. (A lot of times, when he thinks of it.) The other man tries to be the most gentle he can be, but his ribs feel more and more cracked and less and less bruised. This is not a good thing, but Melissa’s state is worse, so he’s going to grit his teeth and sucks it up. There is another firefighter now, who’s also working on Melissa and talking in hushed tones with the first one. Carlos doesn’t hear them correctly, but he keeps switching his glance between the two firefighters and his freaking soulmate. They are careful of not showing anything on their faces which tells him his partner’s state is worse than he fears. He has a bad vibe about the entire situation, and he needs to do something about it, so he slowly turns his head towards TK and opens his mouth to say something. Anything, except there’s just silence between them because the time stops again. (His eyes are so damn _green_.)

“We need to extract you from the car before we take her out,” one of the firefighters tells him. Carlos doesn’t know which one, he doesn’t care. He just stuck in these pretty green eyes when he _needs_ them to save his partner first. So he tells them just that. “No, absolutely not. She goes first, she has a kid waiting for her at home.” He tries to shake his head, but the collar doesn’t allow it and neither does the disapproving look TK sent him. “I don’t care if I end up falling with the car, she needs to go first.” His tone is urgent, almost desperate, but he doesn’t care, he just wants them to save her. He can’t tell a kid her mother died tonight, he’s not sure he has the force to not crumble when the kid inevitably starts to cry. Except, tonight, he’s not the one in charge, he’s the victim here, so when the firefighters decide he’s the one getting rescue first, he’s supposed to listen. The way TK is looking at him, heavy and full of _something_ , isn’t making things easy too. He discovers his soulmate less than an hour ago, and he’s not willing to die just yet — even if he says the contrary. The pain in his ribs is also starting to be a problem; it makes his brain fuzzy and his willpower weaker. TK is talking on his radio, saying something to his captain about the first victim almost ready to be pulled up. He takes him half a minute to realize _he_ is the first victim, not Melissa, but he doesn’t have the stubbornness to fight anymore. Not when he’s in pain, not when his soulmate is hanging from a cliff right next to him, trying to save his life.

After that, he lets them work and do what they say without talking back. He is watching them trying to stop Melissa’s wound from bleeding too much, in vain. The blood keeps saturating the compress they are putting here, and Carlos can’t stop watching it — it takes TK’s hand on his jaw to make him turn his head from his partner. “Hey, listen to me. Marjan and Paul are doing everything they can to save her, but right now, we need to focus on getting you out,” he tells him while making eye contact. Green meets hazel and Carlos’ breath gets stuck in his chest. You never get used to your soulmate, it seems. Or at least, Carlos isn’t. He’s ok with that, anything to make him forget what shitty situation he’s in. TK puts some kind of harness on him, explaining how they are going to open his door very carefully, next hooking his harness to TK’s, and then, his colleagues still waiting on the cliff are going to bring them back on safe grounds. Guess his life becomes a movie after that because he suddenly has the best luck on earth. (When he never was the lucky type.) Everything happens like it’s supposed to be, no hiccups on their way up there. He has his two feet finally back on the ground, his partner is still fighting for her life down there, and he feels like he’s going to faint. Or pukes, either one.

And afterward, life is not a movie anymore, and everything goes to shit. TK is pushing him slightly towards the ambulance already waiting, the hand on his back a warm reassuring presence. Carlos can hear some voices crackle on the firefighter’s radio, something about starting to saw the branch and trying to get Melissa out fast and safely. He doesn’t see it, but TK is having a silent exchange with his captain. It’s all over their faces; something is going wrong down there. Carlos doesn’t have time to question why TK is suddenly turning off the communications on his radio, because it’s all happen very fast after that. There is a big noise, someone is screaming “No!” and then, something explodes. The car, _the car_ just blew up. Carlos is out of the ambulance in a second, running towards the edge of the cliff until someone’s arms wrap around his middle, stopping him dead in his tracks. They stumble on the ground with the strength of the impact, and they stay there for a second — Carlos’ heart beating so hard it feels like it’s going to break out of his chest.

“Marwani, Strickland, what the hell just happened? Are you guys okay?”, the captain is asking on the radio, almost yelling the words with concern for his team in his voice. Carlos doesn’t hear the answer because TK’s radio is still turned off, but he doesn’t need to, he knows the car just felt from the cliff. He knows Melissa’s is gone. Not dying, but officially dead. She’s leaving an orphan behind her, a little girl to whom Carlos is supposed to break the terrible news. He’s not sure how he is mean to tell a kid her mother is not come back, not tonight, not ever. So he just stays there, with TK’s arms still wrapped around his middle, and he loses it. Fully breaks down, uncontrollable tears flowing his cheeks.

* * *

Everything that happens after that is blurry, just a big fat grey area he wants to forget. He knows TK has to physically put him in the ambulance for the paramedics to be able to take him to the hospital. He can’t take his eyes off the smoke going higher and higher in the sky, this big dark cloud he can finally see in all its glory. He keeps wiping his eyes until he doesn’t have a single tear left to cry — which is a good thing, because he has to tell a kid her mother died today, and he can’t do that while crying. He’s fighting off a panic attack the entire time the doctors check him. He ends up being right, they confirm to him he has, in fact, two fractured ribs, but his lungs are fine. A nurse comes to bandage his torso and gives him something for the pain and something to help his muscles relax. Then, they agreed to let him go home, but he still ends up wandering in the hallways until a colleague arrived to tell him Melissa’s kid and her grandfather have arrived. It goes as expected; the daughter ends up crying her eyes out, the old man is hugging a little too hard, and Carlos feels like shit. He watches them go away, tears still rolling down the little girl’s cheek. He stays right there, stuck in the middle of a corridor until a nurse asks him if he’s ok. “Sorry, yeah. I’m fine. I should go home,” he tells her. She looks at him funny like his face showed how awful his day was, and she sees right through so him — so much, it scares him. He almost runs away from her after that, going to the parking, so he doesn’t start crying in front of her.

And then, life becomes just a little bit softer.

(Carlos just doesn’t know it yet.)

* * *

His shoulder knocks again someone else’s shoulder, making him almost stumble on his two feet. An arm wraps around his middle. (Just like before.) “Woah, there. You alright?”, a voice asks him. Head turns, eyes meet and time stops again. (Just like before.) Meeting your soulmate never gets old, and his eyes are still the prettiest shade of green he’s ever going to see. TK is looking at him with curiosity, waiting for an answer who never came. There is something soft all over his face, and breathing gets easier for the first time of the day. “No, I’m not,” escaping his mouth without meaning to, putting down all his walls for his soulmate. (Who else is he supposed to trust to catch him when he inevitably falls?) Raw emotions are fighting for dominance on his face, and TK sees it, _gets it_ because his lips are curling in a sad smile full of lingering softness. He is reaching up until his hand can cup Carlos’ jaw. Skin against skin, warmth escaping TK’s fingers to go wrap itself along the cop’s ribs. Carlos’ heart is feeling so full and so miserable at the same time. (He wants to crumble, just a little bit.) “It’s ok, you are ok,” TK whispers to him, and when Carlos doesn’t seem to believe him, he continues, a bit louder. “You’re gonna be ok.” There is a minute of silence, just the two of them facing each other without saying anything. (They don’t have to, their eyes tell so much already.) And then, time stop for the fourth time today, because TK is wrapping his arms around Carlos, tucking the cop’s head in his neck. They stay like that until Carlos let go — it feels like forever and nothing at the same time. When he opens his eyes again, TK is still there. _I’m not going anywhere_ , his eyes are screaming silently. “Do you want to go somewhere else to talk? Not as soulmates, but as two human beings who suffer enough already?”

Carlos nods.

(Life is going to be ok.)

( _He’s_ going to be ok.)

**Author's Note:**

> (Title is from a poem by Sanober Khan.)


End file.
